hello
thank you for reading about my time in toronto

i'm heading home tomorrow.



hoooooooooop.

appetite, apetite*

I think I've been doing a pretty bad job of taking care of my body. Granted, I am eating more (and better) than a couple of months ago, but I am still adjusting my energy intake to my energy output. Turns out, I need to eat some yummy proteins and carbs within 30 minutes of a workout. Did NOT know that. whoops. It takes me about an hour to get home and a half an hour to cook (if I even feel like actually cooking... sometimes I just eat a couple fried eggs with some bread and call it a night).

I was in ballet today, and just looking at myself in the mirror, I was shocked! I look HUGE. like, fat huge. I have no idea how much I weigh, but probably more than I'd expect. I mean, my arms are obviously going to look pretty muscular, but the rest of me does not look as toned as I would expect. Whyyyy, body, whyy? Am I eating too much fat? Am I not burning the carbs? I have no idea.

I think this whole night-training thing has really effed my body. I work so hard at night, and I consume a few hundred calories afterwards... I get wired and can't sleep, plus all the food I ate just stores as fat because all I do afterward is lay in bed and try to sleep.

Once I get home, I am on that treadmill at least an hour a day. During the day.




* just a note that the second word here is not spelled incorrectly, but rather a play on the word appetite (meaning desire for food) by placing an "a" (negating prefix) in front of "petite" (small, dainty). 

i'm homesick. i'm getting tired of moving around every 4-6 months.

in other news,
i worked so hard on tuesday that i couldn't sleep. laying on my arms was too painful.
how's that for pushing the limit? too far? or just enough?


[edit:12/20]
ballet killed my calves. i can no longer climb stairs without limping. it's been 3 days.

oh my goodness.

my time here is already almost over! i just realized that its december.

circus today:

okay. not great. i am getting frustrated again. in silks (granted it was after conditioning and flexibility classes), i feel like i should have more endurance. how come i get so tired so quickly? also, i feel like i should have more strength. those straddle inversions are the bane of my aerial existence.
(i feel like i have more to say here. im struggling with how to put my questions or concerns about my training without making it sound like i'm complaining... i'll try later when i feel more articulate)

also, something new that i've realized, now that i am moving to more advanced moves.. there is a certain spatial awareness that i am lacking. when i drop i just hold on for dear life and go. but i should be more aware of what my body is doing (which way it is turning, when i am facing up or down, etc). 

repetition repetition...