aimless. 

the novelty has faded, and i am lost. while i still feel utterly compelled to pursue circus, toronto life is not easy for me. circus is the only thing i have to look forward to. but my days are empty, and i havent taken the initiative, the full initiative, to fill them. 

i dabble here and there with amusements. but i need something more concrete. 

i'm too used to structure that this thing i have now, all this time, is daunting.